


if you can't take the heat

by rikli



Series: professional dom au [2]
Category: VIXX
Genre: BDSM, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-06 01:25:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5397677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rikli/pseuds/rikli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are still so many questions Jaehwan has, and it makes the decision about making an appointment even easier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if you can't take the heat

**Author's Note:**

> takes off right after [this installment](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4646676/chapters/11120297)

 

 

Hakyeon is intense, even more so when Jaehwan meets him in the club, in full gear. He has put some make-up and a midnight blue colored wig on. The smile on his face is fiendish.  


Jaehwan gets escorted by him to the right room. Hakyeon's hand on his shoulder is somewhat assuaging, but Jaehwan is still scared, almost shaking with trepidation. All that's offered to him is a one last squeeze, and Hakyeon takes his hand away to knock on the door in front of them.  


Sanghyuk is waiting by the table full of toys.  


They emailed each other only once, and even with this little communication, Jaehwan could sense a tone of authority through the words. He got notification of a new message in the parking lot, and that's where he read it. It has never been so hard to drive back home after that.  


Now, Jaehwan feels even more unsettled. Where Hakyeon is all styled up, from make-up, through clothes, to even a wig, Sanghyuk is unveiled roughness. He's wearing black jeans and a simple v-neck. His hair is swept to the side, the only indication of styling. His face is bare, jaw sharp and eyes dangerously slit.  


Compared to Hakyeon, Sanghyuk looks more- Jaehwan doesn't have a better word to put it in, but -real. Down to earth, and strong. He's also taller and broader.  


The memory of the encounter at the hotel feels like a dream now. He's no longer watching the scene from a distance- he's a part of it, something he made himself a part of.  


So when Sanghyuk orders him to get down, on all fours, and come right to his feet, he does it. He gets to his knees, and with face burning in shame, he goes.  


Sanghyuk's orders are curt, and Jaehwan has no problem with filling them. What was easy with Hakyeon, even if Jaehwan wasn't under his command back then - even if it might have felt like it - comes even easier now. His every move is pinged with fear. Jaehwan is afraid of failing, of being a disappointment, and it only drives him further. It makes him excited to follow Sanghyuk's lead.  


Jaehwan is still buzzed when the session ends. Sanghyuk thanks him, praises his eagerness, and brushes his lips over Jaehwan's cheek. It's not intimate, and yet Jaehwan flushes red, leaving the room with his eyes lowered to the floor.  


He stops by the bar, then remembers he drove here.  


"You can call up the taxi, go back for the car tomorrow." Hakyeon is still there, with another man clad in black.  


Two smiles, both directed at Jaehwan. Of course they would try to convince him to stay and drink. It's a profit to the club, right?  


It's not like Jaehwan is in the right state to drive, anyway, so he lets the club have the profit, and orders a drink. He's not ready to see Sanghyuk twice during the same night, but it's definitely him who takes another free stool by the bar.  


Sanghyuk has still the same outfit on and he looks as handsome as before. His hair is ruffled now, though, and his eyes almost disappear when he smiles at the barman pouring him a glass of water; he's probably making a joke while at it.  


The contrast is stark, and Jaehwan finds himself fascinated.  


Hakyeon is always the same, scene or not- demanding but warm. Sanghyuk is different. Back when they were scening, he was like a cliff against stormy ocean, all sharply cut stone. Now, he looks like a boy. Young and full of life. And he must be young, Jaehwan thinks, taking a sip of his drink to get rid of the sudden dryness of his throat.  


"Maybe you can give an objective advice to this friend."  


Hakyeon's voice makes Jaehwan tear his eyes away from Sanghyuk, and look to his right. "Yes?"  


Hakyeon hums before he starts talking. "You see, this friend here has a problem with dating."  


Jaehwan's best dating experience is his relationship back in high school that lasted whole two years. It was with a girl, so his mother was more than content with it. When he broke it off with his girlfriend, she was displeased, even more when she caught him with his neighbor two months later. That neighbor was a boy, and that's what prompted Jaehwan's mother to start intervening way too much for him to be able to build a steady relationship with anyone.  


Nevertheless, he nods, and listens to what Hakyeon has to say.  


"He only dates girls, and only scenes with boys," Hakyeon shares, rolling his eyes. "He thinks it helps him separate the two worlds, and that the girl shouldn't be jealous."  


It makes as much sense as it doesn't, but Jaehwan is not one to judge. He asks, curious, "and how has it been going so far?"  


Hakyeon laughs, and his friend whines. "Terrible, of course! They're jealous. And mad, when he tells them about his hobby only after a couple of dates."  


To be honest, Jaehwan can't blame those girls. Well, not the judging - to hell with this kind of hypocrisy - but the timing, and, well, this friend's ridiculous preferences.  


"Have you ever tried to date a guy?" Jaehwan asks, the question directed right at the person in conflict.  


"Yeah," he answers, looking up at Jaehwan. He's cute, soft looking. Is he also a dom, like Hakyeon and Sanghyuk? It's hard to believe. "And he dumped me the same night I came here for the first time."  


Jaehwan clucks, pursuing his lips in discontent. "Then he was a jerk," he says. "And it has nothing to do with him being a guy. Some people are narrow-minded like that."  


Hakyeon slaps his friend on the arm. "Didn't I tell you that? Didn't I?" He asks, and it's obviously his way to say _I told you so_.  


"Hakyeon, please," the man pleads, swatting Hakyeon's hand away. More than annoyed, he just looks defeated.  


"No, Minhyuk, it's me begging you to stop being ashamed."  


One way or another, anyone can get ridiculed. Jaehwan can relate, and he all but sympathizes with Minhyuk.  


"Your determinant shouldn't be gender," he says, after downing his drink in one gulp. "But their mindset. If a person can't accept this," Jaehwan waves his hand around, "then they're not worth your time, at all."  


Hakyeon gives him a big grin, and thumbs up. Minhyuk's own smile is tired and small, but Jaehwan thinks it still counts.  


Exhaling loudly, Hakyeon hits the counter with his open palms. "Okay! This round is on me. Sungjae!"  


The bartender, who has been talking to Sanghyuk this whole time, comes over. He has that easy smile on his face. "What can I do for you, gentlemen?"  


Minhyuk lets out an exasperated snort, and Hakyeon orders, ever so brightly, "a round of shots!"  


Jaehwan makes it home late, drunk, and by taxi.  


  


 

It's easy to book another meeting. Jaehwan isn't sure if it's because he wants more or because he can't stop thinking about Sanghyuk. It might be both, as one doesn't go without the other.  


He considers trying another dom for about one second but his monogamous mindset doesn't let him. It's obvious other people involved in this world are able to do it, but Jaehwan's sure there must be some like him. Like Hakyeon and Taekwoon.  


Except…. those two are practically married, and Jaehwan doesn't know anything about Sanghyuk. Apart from his name. He wonders if it's even a real one- doesn't he use an alias for it? There are still so many questions Jaehwan has, and it makes the decision about making an appointment even easier.  


Sanghyuk is waiting at the exact same spot as he did last time.  


"Choose one."  


Sanghyuk's allergic to waiting so Jaehwan doesn't loiter and goes straight to the table. There has been a vague research on Jaehwan's part but the variety strikes him nonetheless. Whips, paddles, canes- the sight makes Jaehwan's knees tremble under him, and he puts one hand on the table so he wouldn't embarrass himself and fall.  


His mouth feels as dry as if he has been running when he speaks, "this, sir," pointing at a simple paddle. The bigger the surface, the less marks, he remembers Hakyeon saying. And it should sting less.  


There's no comment to his choice, and Jaehwan should have known better than to expect one. The next command to get down comes as a relief. Jaehwan's still in his clothes but looks like Sanghyuk doesn't consider it a problem.  


"Over the horse," Sanghyuk throws the next command.  


The piece of furniture is in the corner of the room, and stands in a way that doesn't leave any options of how Jaehwan should position himself on it. He wonders why Sanghyuk didn't ask him to take off his clothes, and if he should ask him about it now, but he keeps his mouth shut. One of Sanghyuk's rules is a slap for speaking up unasked.  


He obliges silently when Sanghyuk tells him to spread his legs, so he can cuff him.  


"Have you been a good boy?" Sanghyuk asks as he's adjusting one of the straps around Jaehwan's ankles.  


In his last message, he asked Jaehwan not to touch himself before the meeting. It was only a couple of days, so Jaehwan didn't have a problem with fulfilling the task. "I only touched myself while peeing and cleaning, sir." He has no idea what made you word it like that, but it earns him a slap, over his still clothed ass, with Sanghyuk's bare hand.  


"Try to be funny again, and I'll double the spanking."  


Sanghyuk voice is low, and it sounds like he said it through greeted teeth. Praying his mouth won't betray him again, Jaehwan mumbles a quiet "yes, sir".  


"It's going to be exactly like I told you before- only ten hits for being good, as a reminder to always listen to your master, okay?"  


Those words are softer but not less commanding. Jaehwan gives his assent once again.  


He flushes red when, without warning, Sanghyuk started to unbutton his jeans. It was methodical, without any sort of teasing- just pulling his pants and underwear down his ass, yet it makes Jaehwan squirm, and gasp. Somehow, it feels much worse than being completely naked. At the same time, there's a wave of excitement running through his body, settling in the pit of his stomach. If Sanghyuk touched him right now, Jaehwan would get hard for sure.  


But it's not Sanghyuk's touch that comes next. He doesn't even get Jaehwan a chance to say a word as he says "count", and strikes the first blow right after.  


It stings, oh, how it stings. Jaehwan barely recognizes his voice as he starts counting. There's a heavy moment, and Jaehwan tries to breathe, and then there's the second hit. He gasps, the sound of the paddle connecting with the bare skin of his bottom ringing in his ears long after it's done.  


It does nothing for Jaehwan- all he can feel is the burning of his ass. The third slap leaves him whining, and the fourth-  


"Red," he gasps, before the fifth one. All the excitement has left his body, and all Jaehwan wants to do is to go home and hide under the covers of his bed.  


"Okay," Sanghyuk says. If there's a change in his voice Jaehwan can't hear it, all of his senses focused on the embarrassment he feels, and the pain. "Okay," Sanghyuk repeats, uncuffing his legs.  


Jaehwan isn't crying, not exactly, but there are tears in his eyes that fall easily when Sanghyuk gathers him in his arms. "Shh," Sanghyuk tries to soothe him, and surprisingly it works. "It's over now," Sanghyuk murmurs into his ear, and Jaehwan wills his body to believe it. "You did well."  


But he didn't. Jaehwan knows he didn't. "I'm sorry, I just-" he doesn't know exactly what to say. It hurt? Of course spanking would hurt. The problem is he couldn't stand it.  


Sanghyuk shushes him once more. "It's okay." He keeps on stroking Jaehwan's hair, and it feels much better. "Don't worry, you're okay."  


It only catches on after a while, that Jaehwan has his pants around his ankles, still. He wriggles out of Sanghyuk's hold, but he's the first to drop to his knees and fix it. It's mortifying but Jaehwan endures it- Sanghyuk is gentler now, smoothing Jaehwan's shirt over his jeans with a soft smile.  


"It shouldn't bruise too much."  


Jaehwan gives him a pained smile, and Sanghyuk grins- it's the same expression he had the other night at the bar.  


"Do you want to stay? Talk?" Sanghyuk asks tentatively. It sounds almost shy.  


Jaehwan shakes his head. "I better go," he says with a sigh. "I feel bad enough, no need to prolong the embarrassment."  


"Really." Sanghyuk gives him a look. "Don't worry about it."  


The awkwardness gnaws at Jaehwan's insides, and he doesn't know what he should do. Wave Sanghyuk goodbye? Give him a hug, or maybe pat his shoulder? He settles on a shrug, and quiet thanks.  


"Hey," Sanghyuk calls when Jaehwan is almost out the door. "If you need- anything, message me."  


Jaehwan thinks about bad aftermaths of a scene but he's quite sure if anything is going to be a problem here, it's the infinite embarrassment. With a final nod, he closes the door.  


  


 

Instead of Sanghyuk, he messages Hakyeon.  


Jaehwan's stepping inside the club the very same week. Hakyeon pats the stool beside himself. "Unless you can't?"  


They're alone for now - it's still early - so there's only Jaehwan to flatly say, "Ha ha."  


Hakyeon doesn't even stop himself from laughing out loud. "I'm sorry, Jaehwanie," he says, and it sounds remorseful this time. "You wanted to talk about it, and I'm all ears. Shit happens, so don't worry."  


It hasn't really stung for long, Jaehwan's ass, so he takes the seat easily. He did take a day off work after the unfortunate scene but it was more to sulk in the comfort of his own apartment than to nurse his wounds.  


Don't worry- Hakyeon repeats the same words Sanghyuk offered, and Jaehwan knows he shouldn't. There's no real reason to be this upset but here he is. Jaehwan feels like he's ruined something. The only problem is, there was nothing to ruin in the first place.  


"It sounds vanilla to me," the bartender, Sungjae, says. He's been rearranging the bottles on the shelves, wiping them to look pristine, and Jaehwan wasn't aware he'd been paying any attention to them.  


Jaehwan almost feels offended. More about the eavesdropping part than the accusation of lacking any kink streak.  


"He might still want a dom," Hakyeon notes. He doesn't scold Sungjae for eavesdropping, and Jaehwan's displeasure evaporates into the club's thick air. "Just not a sadistic one."  


The topic of the conversation changes faster than Jaehwan can follow, and he excuses himself when he catches the sight of Sanghyuk entering the private rooms area. Judging by the sinking feeling in his stomach, it might be too early to face him after all.  


  


 

Sensual dom- that was what Hakyeon has suggested. Along with name recommendations. Jaehwan, already trusting Hakyeon more than he probably should, agrees to meet someone new.  


To his relief it's not Minhyuk, or anyone he's seen in the club before. He doesn't use his name, the nickname foreign on Jaehwan's tongue- but it's not like he's going to use it, anyway. It all comes down to the word "master", and an exhausting edgeplay that leaves Jaehwan's mind fuzzy, and body numb.  


It's good, and that's what he tells Hakyeon, but the look he gets means he can't hide the one tiny detail- he doesn't feel like the edge has been taken off at all. He should have fallen over it, wake up at the bottom of the abyss, and stand to his feet with bones set anew, and yet- and yet, he's been stuck ever since, dangling over it.  


Hakyeon can see his distress, but there are no words that could possibly help him fall.  


"I shouldn't be telling you this," he says, stirring his drink. The ice clinks against the glass of his mojito- it's virgin, as Hakyeon's going to play at the club tonight. "But maybe you should meet with Sanghyuk once again, after all. Tell him what you want, and maybe he'll agree. It's not like he needs to beat the living hell out of you, I believe."  


Leaning against Hakyeon, almost in his lap, sits Taekwoon. He's drinking his water through a straw, and to Jaehwan's chagrin he's barely clothed. His shirt is sheer, only two or three buttons up, and his eyes are as piercing as ever. He hums, and Hakyeon strokes his cheek.  


Just like Jaehwan thought, it's a sign of permission for him to talk. "Maybe you just need to- ah," he pauses, like he's considering what to say next. "Ask him out for a date? Or," Taekwoon looks away, averts Jaehwan's eyes, "a sex-date."  


"Taekwoon!" Hakyeon scolds him, but he's laughing. Taekwoon huffs, the air going through the straw making the water bubble in the glass. Hakyeon, he acts like Jaehwan isn't sitting right in front of him, pinching Taekwoon's nipple with his free hand. "Behave," he warns quietly.  


"Ugh," Jaehwan grumbles uncomfortably. If he wanted to see it, again, he would stay for the show. Which he doesn't plan on doing. "I don't think it's a good idea."  


Hakyeon tears his eyes away from the squirming Taekwoon, and Jaehwan does it, too (though Taekwoon looks so cute with his face red, and lips pursued in embarrassment).  


He takes a sip of his drink. "It's neither good nor bad," he says. "It's about what you feel you want, and even more- about what you need."  


Jaehwan whines. "If I only knew what I want, or need. It's as if I'm taking a step forward, and then two back."  


"You need to look at it from a bigger perspective," Taekwoon throws in. Surprisingly, Hakyeon doesn't scold him for speaking up unasked. "Think about your previous relationships and bed experiences."  


Hakyeon's face twists for a second, but then he says, "It's not only about BDSM, Jaehwan, and I'll tell you why.  


"You can acquire skills to become, let's say, a dom. But what you actually feel- it's innate. You can't teach yourself how to be a sub. You can't teach yourself to like pain, or to submit when all you want to do is fight back until you feel sick with it. You can try, maybe even succeed, but it's not easy. And being a good dom is not only about inflicting the perfect strike with a whip. It's so much more, on both sides. It can be your whole persona, or just some traits. And you can make it work however you want, however you feel is right- for you. My advice is doing whatever you'd like to do with a person who understands that."  


Jaehwan fights an urge to whine again. What Hakyeon says makes sense. Before he decides to go back to Sanghyuk, though, or not to go back - ever again - he needs to figure out what he wants from him in the first place. Scene, have sex, date- maybe Sanghyuk will agree to all of those options, but it's Jaehwan who needs to ask first. He needs to find it within himself, which one from those options he'd like to invest himself in.  


He smiles, tiredly, but with intent. "Thank you, really," he sniffs. "I'll think about it." He blinks- the dim lights of the club strained his vision, making his eyes itch. "I'd better go."  


"Oh, you're not staying?"  


Staying would probably mean watching Hakyeon and Taekwoon in a situation he has witnessed before and doesn't necessarily want to see again. Or maybe doesn't want to admit how much he likes Taekwoon's unfocused eyes, heavy with need, and Hakyeon's commands said in this warm tone of his. It's not the right time to explore this, though, not before he finds out what his body wants. And mind, of course- he needs to sort his unruly thoughts for once.  


Smiling again, Jaehwan waves his hand. "Not this time. I can't bump into Sanghyuk before I know what to say to him." He laughs nervously when Hakyeon raises a brow. " _Or_ if I want to say anything at all. My mouth could betray me, you see."  


From around Hakyeon's shoulder, Jaehwan sees Taekwoon's lips curl up into a smile. Hakyeon's grin is much wider. "I see, I see," he chimes.  


Jaehwan bids them farewell, but there's only so much luck he has in life. Right before he's able to pull the door to the club open, it's yanked from the outside and Jaehwan is met face to face with Sanghyuk.  


He's dressed casually, in a hoodie and a pair of jeans. His hair is lighter than before, and the fluffy bangs fall over his eyes that widen as they fall on Jaehwan. "Hi," he greets him with a smile.  


Jaehwan finds it really hard not to smile back. "Hello."  


"Are you here for-"  


"Ah, no-" There's a fleeting thought Sanghyuk shouldn't be asking that. But Jaehwan has always been the one to bend the rules, and it looks like Sanghyuk might be even worse than him- more than ready to break them. "I was meeting with Hakyeon," he explains. He should have used Hakyeon's alias, N, yet here he is- breaking the rules himself already.  


"Don't let him wrap you around his finger," Sanghyuk jokes, his cheeks rounding up when he smiles.  


Jaehwan tsks playfully. "You brat!"  


He's not surprised when Sanghyuk tsks right back at him. Then, he clears his throat, and leans against the wall with his shoulder. "So," he starts, pauses when somebody enters the club and walks past them, continuing only when they disappear around the corner, "are you planning on going back?"  


Is this a professional question, or just curiosity Sanghyuk shouldn't pursue, Jaehwan wonders. There are different answers he can give: yes, no, not to you. It's none of Sanghyuk's business, anyway. Jaehwan was supposed to give himself time to think, but the meeting he's been trying to avoid actually gave him the answer he's been looking for.  


Sanghyuk is a mix of power and boyish charm, playful but sharp round the edges, and Jaehwan's drawn to that. Someone he could have fun with but someone able to put him down when needed. Jaehwan gives him an evasive "maybe", and then, feeling his usual boldness coming through, says, "but I'd like to meet you again."  


Sanghyuk cocks his head. "Oh? You mean-" he waves his hand at the door.  


"Outside," Jaehwan nods, "like a date."  


The spark of understanding flashes in his eyes. " _Oh_. A date. Really?"  


It must be unusual for him to hear this kind of a proposition from a client. But it must have happened before, because how, for example, Hakyeon and Taekwoon became a thing? It's not the best time to dwell on that, Jaehwan's mind supplies.  


"A date!" Jaehwan confirms, letting his enthusiasm show. If anything, this trait of him has always been rather appreciated. And it's all him, in the end.  


"Sounds good."  


The door opens once more, and more people go inside. Jaehwan steps away, to plaster himself to the wall so he wouldn't be in the way. Despite that, Sanghyuk grabs his arm, pulling him closer, his own arm stretched over Jaehwan like a barrier.  


It doesn't register as something he shouldn't have done, not before Sanghyuk mumbles "I'm sorry" in a sheepish tone.  


"Yah," Jaehwan says, but it doesn't even sound like a proper scolding, nor a playful jab. Rather than Sanghyuk taking the hand away, Jaehwan would prefer the other one to come up- to pull him closer.  


"Hey," Sanghyuk says, straightening. "I still have your email, so I'll message you the days I don't have classes." Classes, Jaehwan thinks in horror. "Or, well, any appointments."  


Jaehwan nods, and closes his mouth- he didn't even know he had opened it- before he says something stupid.  


With a final smile, and, to Jaehwan's regret, no kiss he remembers from their first meeting, Sanghyuk disappears around the corner as all the other people did before.  


Outside, the bouncer - Wonsik - bids Jaehwan goodbye, beaming. It doesn't matter if he did or didn't hear the conversation- Jaehwan grins back at him as wide.  


  


 

It all makes sense when the email from Sanghyuk comes the next day. He mentions a seminar and meeting his advisor so it's clear he must be finishing his studies this year. It's just that when Hakyeon mentioned Sanghyuk being younger than him, and even Jaehwan, it's never occurred to him he could be that young. And somehow Jaehwan would never assume a professional dom might still be a student.  


They settle on a movie date in one of the smaller cinemas downtown. It's fairly close to both Jaehwan's apartment and the university campus Sanghyuk rooming at.  


"Not for long," he says with a dreamy sigh. He's spent all of his college years there, and he confesses he can't wait to rent his own place. Especially since his roommate has developed the loudest snoring problem Sanghyuk has ever heard. "Even the guys next door complained about it!"  


Jaehwan laughs a lot this evening. The movie they chose turns out to be boring, with a very naive plot, and somewhere in the middle of it they start to openly make fun of it, giggling at their own commentary. It's a miracle nobody scolds them for it.  


Moving through the old streets, they end up eating street food. The food burns their fingers and tongues, but they don't mind- it's cold enough to focus on the warmth that spreads inside their bellies.  


The biggest surprise of the evening is when Jaehwan finds out Sanghyuk has read some of the comics Jaehwan has been working on.  


"Seriously, you bought all three of them?" Jaehwan asks. The series is about a corgi saving his owner from all kinds of ridiculous situations.  


"Maybe because there were only three," Sanghyuk jokes, and Jaehwan slaps his arm. It's so easy to be around Sanghyuk he forgot about boundaries altogether. "No, really," he smiles, dragging Jaehwan to another stand, this time with warm beverages. "I loved it, it's very funny."  


"Just like me," Jaehwan sing-songs.  


"And cute," Sanghyuk adds from over his steaming cup of ginger tea.  


Jaehwan hides a smile behind his own drink.  


It's still remotely early, but Jaehwan does have a job he needs to wake up to, and Sanghyuk could take use of his free day tomorrow to focus on his thesis.  


It should be Jaehwan taking Sanghyuk home, but he didn't take his car, and they end up in front of Jaehwan's apartment complex first.  


"Nice," Sanghyuk comments, studying the tall building. "You should let me know if they have anything for rent next year."  


"And how would I know that?" Jaehwan laughs. It would be nice, though, living in the same building. Makes dating easier. Not that Jaehwan should plan that far just after their first date.  


Sanghyuk hums in understanding. He turns to Jaehwan, his hands deep in his coat pockets. Late autumn nights can get very cold. "I had a great time today."  


"That's all I have to offer," Jaehwan says, and he winks, as he usually does, and tries not to get flustered about it.  


Sanghyuk laughs, steps closer. "I'm sure there's more," he argues, and then, just like that, he leans in and kisses Jaehwan.  


Their mouths are both cold and warm- cold from the chilly November weather, but when their lips part there's the lingering warmth of the tea they drank.  


"You should have asked," Jaehwan pouts when they break the kiss.  


Sanghyuk's hand is on Jaehwan's arm, the grip all too familiar. "Sorry," he breathes. "Can I-"  


"Yeah," Jaehwan interrupts, first verbally, and then with another kiss.  


Too bad it must come to an end.  


"I can drive you home," Jaehwan offers when they break for good.  


Sanghyuk shakes his head. "No need. It's not that far, and I have my city card." Jaehwan scoffs. Perks of being a student. "I'll call you about Saturday."  


"Okay," Jaehwan agrees. They've already talked about meeting again, soon, and since Sanghyuk has an appointment at the club on Friday, they decided on the day after.  


They kiss one last time, and it's chaste, their lips touching briefly, and then Sanghyuk turns to walk in the direction of the dorms.  


The invitation, for Sanghyuk to come upstairs, has been at the tip of Jaehwan's tongue for the past half an hour of their walk here. Jaehwan looks at Sanghyuk's retreating back, and thinks next time he might actually say it out loud. Even though there are things they need to discuss before jumping into something they might regret later on.  


  


 

It ends up exactly how Jaehwan secretly wished it would.  


He does invite Sanghyuk over, mainly because it's been raining since morning on Saturday. Jaehwan offers to use his car but once again Sanghyuk refuses. He arrives mostly dry- only his shoes are wet, and his bangs damp where the beanie failed to cover it.  


"There are two options," Jaehwan says, hanging Sanghyuk's coat over his kitchen chair so it dries better. "We can drive to that burger place I mentioned, or order a delivery here."  


"It depends on the movies you have in here," Sanghyuk calls from the couch. He made himself comfortable pretty quickly, Jaehwan observes, and it should be alarming, but for Jaehwan- it feels good.  


Sanghyuk finds a movie he wants to see on the pile Jaehwan has rented this week, and Jaehwan orders what he usually does, doubling it this time.  


The sky clears by the time they finish their food and the movie. When Jaehwan makes an offer to go somewhere, all Sanghyuk answers with is pulling Jaehwan down onto the cramped sofa.  


"I like it here," he says, pressing his mouth to Jaehwan's cheek.  


Jaehwan wants to ask if it means he wants to stay for now, or he likes Jaehwan's apartment overall, but his mind short-circuits when the next place Sanghyuk places his lips on is Jaehwan's mouth. It's all tongue, and Jaehwan wants to protest - they both taste like salsa they ate their fries with - but it's really hard when you actually don't mind. Neither the taste of the spicy sauce, nor Sanghyuk's tongue intrusion, is able to stop Jaehwan from kissing back.  


Their noses bump against each other, and they laugh into the kiss.  


"Your nose is too big," Sanghyuk says. He doesn't stop kissing Jaehwan- on his cheek, chin, down his jaw to his ear.  


"Ah," Jaehwan breaths. The heating in his apartment is on but he knows it's not the reason he's starting to sweat. "Yours isn't any better," he conquers. "Just in a different way."  


He can feel the smile Sanghyuk presses into his neck.  


They kiss again, and this time it's slower. It gives Jaehwan time to cool down a bit, even though his mind screams "more" unhelpfully.  


"I thought you were pretty from the first time you came to me," Sanghyuk says, settling on top of Jaehwan as their make out session comes to a halt. "That's all there was to it, especially since Hakyeon warned me about asking for anything. If it's too soon, and out of context, a sub might feel obliged to accept. It's more probable before or after a scene, where their judgement might be clouded by it, by the need to please." Jaehwan only nods, his chin brushing against Sanghyuk's forehead. "It's good you made the first move."  


"Well, I am older-"  


Sanghyuk snort drowns whatever Jaehwan mumbles next. In annoyance, Jaehwan flicks Sanghyuk in the head. He doesn't expect Sanghyuk to get mad, and Sanghyuk probably isn't, not for real, but the next moment Sanghyuk is up, and he presses Jaehwan's hands to the couch.  


"Hey," he says, and it sounds serious. His grip isn't that strong, though, and Jaehwan weights his options.  


What does it mean, really. Is it an invitation, or just Sanghyuk's natural reaction?  


Jaehwan licks his lips, and Sanghyuk traces the movement, first with his eyes, then with his own tongue as he moves closer.  


"Do you want..." He starts, his eyes flicking to look into Jaehwan's.  


Jaehwan waits it out, just for the sake of it, and for excitement to fully wash over him. He's wanted it for a long time, now. He remembers the pinprick of regret when he left the club after the first meeting. It might have been physical back then, but now he wants it for all the different reasons as well.  


"Yeah," he finally says, his hands falling free when he wriggles under Sanghyuk. He reaches them to run his fingers over Sanghyuk's cheeks, warm against his skin. "Please."  


Sanghyuk lets Jaehwan lead the way to his bedroom, and he doesn't protest when he's being pushed onto the bed. His hands find their way around Jaehwan's hips immediately, bringing them flush against each other.  


Jaehwan has been barely aware he's getting hard, only registering it when Sanghyuk bucks up, his own erection pushing against Jaehwan's.  


It gets him by surprise when Sanghyuk lets Jaehwan fuck him. It's no less thrilling to do it, the thought that in other circumstances he'd be the one pinned to the bed, immobilized, and at the dom's (that isn't a dom right now) mercy.  


And it goes from there.  


  


 

One month, and a lot of great sex later, the doubts start to soak through.  


Jaehwan has been busy with his job, a big project at its finish, meeting Sanghyuk on his free evenings. It never catches on, or maybe Jaehwan is surpassing it all too well, but with their time together cut short it's easy to put it aside.  


Only when they finally have a whole day to themselves, starting with fooling around in Sanghyuk's dorm bed because his roommate is away for the weekend, Jaehwan lets himself remember how Sanghyuk earns money to be able to pay for his studies.  


They're playing Mortal Kombat on Sanghyuk's old console and Jaehwan keeps losing, too rusty with a joystick and too distracted by his own thoughts.  


"You really haven't played for a while, have you?" Sanghyuk jokes, oblivious to Jaehwan's internal dilemmas.  


Jaehwan should come up with a riposte, but what comes out of his mouth instead is a question that's been on his mind all this time. "Are you sleeping with your other clients?"  


The sounds of the game die when Sanghyuk turns it off. They both look at the blue screen of the old tv screen for a while, up until Sanghyuk sighs, and turns toward Jaehwan. "You're not my client, Jaehwan."  


"Yeah, because you don't cuff me to the bed." Sanghyuk huffs angrily, but there's not coming back now, Jaehwan needs to get some answers. "But you have others, at the club, that you-"  


"Okay, wait- stop!" Sanghyuk raises his voice and it shuts Jaehwan up at last. "Jaehwan," he says, softer this time. "You knew what I did from the beginning."  


Jaehwan's face twists, from simply imagining others in his position. "Like I could forget."  


The words, connected with Jaehwan's expression must be giving Sanghyuk the wrong idea because his gaze darkens, jaw setting tightly. "Is this going to be a problem from now on, because I'm not going to stop." It's not what Jaehwan wants, not at all, but the words still cut through him like a knife. "If ever," Sanghyuk adds.  


Swallowing through a lump in his throat, Jaehwan looks away. It's not about Sanghyuk quitting his job. It would be too much to ask for, actually, because being a dom is something more than just a job for him, and Jaehwan knows it. He knows it by the way he would sometimes slip when they have sex, how he would hold Jaehwan down a bit too hard only to catch himself a moment later. The things he whispers into Jaehwan's ear when he fucks him might be quiet and sweet but he never asks, pleads Jaehwan to do this or that- they're quiet commands, and Jaehwan knows it. And he enjoys it.  


So it's not about cutting it off because it would be like asking Sanghyuk to cut off one of his limbs. It's about how far it goes behind Jaehwan's back.  


"I'm not asking you to," he manages to say, "what I'm asking is if you have sex with other people."  


"Jesus, Jaehwan-" Sanghyuk runs his hands over his face. "Define having sex."  


"Define sex?" It's Jaehwan's turn to get angry. "You have to be kidding me."  


"You know how it works, Jaehwan, you've been there. I give people orgasms, most of the time. But I don't-" Sanghyuk pauses, looking around like the words are floating around the room and he needs to catch them with his eyes. "I don't stick it in."  


Jaehwan is silent, letting the words sink in. It gives him some insight into the whole thing, but he feels like there's still more, small details hidden all around, ready to gnaw at him at any moment.  


Sanghyuk must be taking the silence the wrong way, because he groans, kicking the joystick further away. "If it's going to help you I can make a fucking list of what I do, even if it borders on unprofessional. Then you can decide if you want to dump me."  


Dump him. Jaehwan blinks up at Sanghyuk owlishly. That's the opposite of what he wants. All of a sudden, he feels like he's a teenager, back when his first girlfriend told him they needed some time apart from each other. They did break up after that, and it's like Sanghyuk is giving Jaehwan the same way out.  


The difference is, this time Jaehwan wants the opposite of what he wanted back then. He wants Sanghyuk to hold him, fuck him, and tell him he's not letting him go. But he also understands why it's good that he is dong none of these things right now. The decision is Jaehwan's to make.  


"Let's do that," he says, even though it pains him to. He's turned a perfectly fine Saturday afternoon into a bitter quarrel that could mean they won't be seeing each other in the future. "Better safe than sorry, right?" He tries to smile but it's more of a grimace, he knows, because Sanghyuk doesn't even try to mimic it.  


The tension between them makes Jaehwan's leg jerk in apprehension, and he moves to gather his stuff and leave.  


"You'll get the email today," Sanghyuk announces. He doesn't sound angry anymore- only tired. "We can- negotiate, some of it. Just," he sighs, reaches his hand to Jaehwan's face but changes his mind in the middle of it, settling on patting Jaehwan's shoulder. "Don't shut me out right away."  


This time Jaehwan's smile is more genuine. He's the one to actually take the risk and touch Sanghyuk- he leans in to kiss his cheek, and luckily enough Sanghyuk doesn't move away. He even walks Jaehwan that extra three steps to the door. They touch, one last time, and the door shuts behind Jaehwan.  


Jaehwan only hopes it's all for the better.  


  


 

The message Jaehwan gets is... detailed. The list - because that's what it really is - is spread over two pages of word document, and Jaehwan, even in the confines of his own room, blushes at the content.  


There's everything: how he touches and where, what equipment he uses, what a spanking session really entails. The fact that he fucks his clients, but only with toys. That would be one of the things Jaehwan wants to cross out. It might not be fingers, or a dick, but as far as Jaehwan's perception goes- it's still fucking.  


He notes it down.  


All the things Sanghyuk inflicts or commands people to do don't bring a bitter taste to Jaehwan's mouth. It surprisingly easy to look at it as means of necessity, for both Sanghyuk and the clients looking for his services.  


For how fast Sanghyuk sends the email, Jaehwan defers his answer for as long as he can. He reads it over and over again, tries to think of every single detail, or if there's still something Sanghyuk hasn't covered. But there's not much, and yet Jaehwan prolongs it for so long another Saturday rolls around.  


He sends his answer on his way to the dorms. Somehow sending his reply during the week seemed insufficient- it's better to face each other to make everything clear.  


The fact that Sanghyuk's roommate might be there doesn't cross Jaehwan’s mind, and he gets startled when it's not Sanghyuk who opens the door. What's even more baffling is that the person is Sungjae.  


He smiles, opening the doors wider. "Sanghyuk!" he shouts, like the room isn't smaller than Jaehwan's own bedroom and Sanghyuk is God knows how far away. "You didn't tell me the guy you're dating is Jaehwan."  


With his hair disheveled and face red, Sanghyuk appears in the door. He elbows Sungjae away, embarrassed. "Shut up and leave."  


Sungjae whines, pesters Sanghyuk for an extra minute or two, but ultimately leaves the two of them alone.  


Sanghyuk's face might be blank but Jaehwan can hear the sourness nonetheless. "You never messaged me back."  


"I did!" Jaehwan protests. He looks at his phone. "Fifteen minutes ago."  


Sanghyuk snorts, smiles, and Jaehwan can feel the tension between then lessen. "Do I read it now, or are you going to tell me what's in it?"  


The bed is just there, and Jaehwan lets himself sit down. "You can read it now and tell me what you think."  


Smiling, Sanghyuk takes a seat right beside Jaehwan, taking his phone form the nightstand. The swipes of Sanghyuk's thumb against the screen are familiar, and Jaehwan can tell when he's waiting for his inbox feed to refresh. Then, he clicks on the first thread that appears, and starts reading.  


Jaehwan tries to busy himself with taking his shoes off, sliding out of his coat, and checking his own phone. He remembers what he wrote at the end of his reply, and he can't stop himself from feeling nervous about it.  


Sanghyuk's lips move in the shadow of the words he's reading, and he looks up at Jaehwan when he finishes. He blinks, and Jaehwan wonders if his cheeks are back to being red or they've never stopped looking like that.  


"Me, too," he says, and Jaehwan doesn't resist when Sanghyuk throws the phone away and brings him closer, pressing a kiss, first to his cheek, then to his mouth. "I've been seriously stressed this whole week, you know," he continues when Jaehwan wriggles around to sit in Sanghyuk's lap.  


"It's a shitty excuse," Sanghyuk freezes at the curse because Jaehwan rarely uses them, "but I've been nervous as well. That's why I'm here only now."  


Sanghyuk's hands land low on Jaehwan's hips, and it might mean only one thing. Soon enough, Sanghyuk pushes Jaehwan down onto the rumpled bedsheets. "I'm glad you decided to come at all," he says between the wet kisses he plants all over Jaehwan's neck.  


It's too hot too fast, but it's hard to get rid of his sweater with Sanghyuk on top of him. "What's up with Sungjae?" he asks, sneaking his hands under Sanghyuk's washed-out t-shirt.  


"He won't be here for at least an hour, so..." Sanghyuk trails off as he's too busy attaching his mouth to Jaehwan's belly- Jaehwan is actively fighting for the sweater to disappear.  


Jaehwan laughs at the ticklish sensation of Sanghyuk's breath over his navel. "I mean," he moans when Sanghyuk runs his tongue down, over the soft hair that leads to the seam of his jeans. "He's working at the club, too."  


"Yeah, I got him that job," he says, working on the zipper, and pushing Jaehwan's pants down. "Now, stop talking about Sungjae and spread your legs."  


Jaehwan doesn't need to be told twice.  


  


 

Sungjae is still not back when they're done, lying in the even more crumpled sheets.  


"So, we do both agree on this?"  


Sanghyuk doesn't stop grazing his lips over Jaehwan's shoulder. "With your adjustments, yes," he murmurs, moving to Jaehwan's ear. He sucks at the pointy tip, and it's way too distracting.  


It threatens to turn into a _hard_  situation, soon.  


Jaehwan rolls around in Sanghyuk's arms, and Sanghyuk's slicked cock slips from between Jaehwan's thighs. He can hear the sound of it, even from under the covers, and he giggles. It's a typical Jaehwan reaction, for how gross it actually is.  


"I know it's not cheating, you know," Jaehwan says, trying to concentrate.  


"Because you know about it? Because you agree?"  


"Neither, I think. It's just something you need that I can't give you." During the whole week alone, Jaehwan has had time to search for some answers online. It wasn't popular but also not uncommon for partners to come up with this kind of agreement. And Jaehwan isn't one not to take a chance when there's one, especially since he likes Sanghyuk this much. Maybe even more than he's letting on. "That's why we are setting the rules now." He hides his face under Sanghyuk's chin before he says the next words. "Because what if we grow to love each other, meet our parents- my mum would freak out so much, oh my god, Sanghyuk-"  


Sanghyuk laughs and his hand starts to move along Jaehwan's spine. "Easy," he says, kissing the top of Jaehwan's head in a soothing gesture.  


"Are you freaking out, now? Don't freak out," Jaehwan babbles. "My tongue runs faster than my thoughts."  


"I figured that out already."  


Jaehwan finds Sanghyuk's arm with his fingers and pinches him. In response, Sanghyuk slaps his ass playfully. Jaehwan tries to remember it's not a sex thing, not now, even though they're practically talking about it. "Listen, Sanghyukkie," he threatens, but his voice is too high, too childish to be taken as a real threat. "I'm really okay with it. As long as you come back to fuck me, even," he takes a deep breath, "even after a scene, if you need it."  


Sanghyuk's hand stills, right over Jaehwan's ass, and brings him closer. Their wet cocks slide together, and Jaehwan frowns at the shiver that runs down his body in betrayal.  


There's another kiss to Jaehwan's head before Sanghyuk asks, "you wouldn't like to engage in any kind of play, though? Am I right?"  


Everything they did in the bedroom after that failed night at the club has been good thus far. It's not being submissive in bed Jaehwan has a problem with- it's pain that he doesn't like. And yet, it's something Sanghyuk likes to inflict. Something that's a part of him, and something Jaehwan wouldn't want Sanghyuk to suppress for him. It wouldn't do any of them any good, and that's why he would never make Sanghyuk quit it for him.  


Jaehwan is not letting Sanghyuk be a dom- he's letting himself accept Sanghyuk being one. And he should, finally, let himself be what he wants to be as well.  


"Ah, that- you should know an answer to that, already."  


Sanghyuk doesn't answer for a long time, long enough for Jaehwan to start falling into a slumber. He registers he's closed his eyes when Sanghyuk moves to kiss him; he kisses back on instinct.  


"Let's take it slow then, hmm?" Sanghyuk says, his head falling back onto the pillow.  


They've done it before, and they can continue to do so. You can't build the whole relationship in a month, anyway.  


"But 'slow' does involve sex, right?"  


Sanghyuk laughs. "Aren't we adults?"  


"Well..."  


It's Sanghyuk's turn to pinch Jaehwan- right in the ass. "It's more about the meeting parents part."  


Jaehwan's butt hurts but he solemnly agrees. "You don't want to meet my mother, anyway."  


"And it's not like you wouldn't be down for sex," Sanghyuk adds.  


Jaehwan grumbles. He can't even protest because it's true- he likes sex, even more when it involves Sanghyuk.  


The phone that slid off the bed somewhere along the way vibrates from the floor. It's by Jaehwan's side so he's the one who reaches for it. Sanghyuk doesn't make a move to take it from him.  


"Who's that?"  


"Sungjae," Jaehwan says, opening the text. He snorts as he reads the message. "He invited himself over to somebody's dinner."  


Sanghyuk heaves a deep sigh. "Then we have more time before he comes back."  


Jaehwan almost smirks at the quizzical expression on Sanghyuk's face when he grabs his laptop that lies abandoned on the nightstand. "Hey," he teases. "Gonna watch the new 'Adventure Time' episode with me?"  


They're still dirty, sticky where the lube and come dried out. But Jaehwan secretly hopes for another round in the shower, and he needs a moment to regain his strength. A short episode of his favorite cartoon should do the job.  


"Only one episode?" Sanghyuk asks, already lifting himself up to lean against the wall.  


"Well, I can always rewatch some older ones..." Jaehwan teases, opening the laptop up. "But you have eleven minutes to convince me not to."  


In the end, they need to rewatch that new episode after they stumble into the bathroom even before they finish it.  


  


 

Jaehwan feels stupid.  


They haven't talked about it much, but Jaehwan is pretty sure he gave Sanghyuk a green light to taking more control in bed if he ever needs it. Nothing ever happens, though, not during the next couple of weeks.  


Sanghyuk is bold, as much as he's mischievous, and yet he hasn't initiated anything out of the ordinary. And Jaehwan has been ready to try it once again; it feels like for ages now.  


That's how Jaehwan finds himself sitting on the bed in his apartment, in nothing more than briefs, shivering. The air conditioning broke again.  


It's so late already, and not even playing with his phone helps Jaehwan relax. His cock is already heavy between his legs, excited, and not even the low temperature of the room can bring it down.  


The agitation is also making Jaehwan think.  


He thinks about that embarrassing night of their second meeting. How he cried from pain when the whip made a contact with his skin. How high pitched his voice was when he screamed red; Sanghyuk's worried face over him, with eyes devoid of the previous sharpness.  


What kind of an appointment Sanghyuk has tonight? How is he dressed, and what does he use? Is the person he treats enjoying their time? Do they ask for more?  


There's something they won't get, and Jaehwan revels in that knowledge. He hardens even more, whimpering at his own thoughts. What would anyone say if they knew Jaehwan gets aroused by thinking of his own boyfriend with other people?  


Jaehwan grabs the cardigan lying on the drawer and envelops himself with it, seeking not only warmth but also comfort. They don't know you and can't judge you, he tells himself. Not even your own mother.  


His heart speeds up when he hears the lock of the door clicking open- he didn't hesitate to give Sanghyuk his own set of keys.  


Sanghyuk calls for him, but Jaehwan is frozen to the spot. He's initiated sex before but not like this. And he's not even sure if Sanghyuk is going to get it, right away.  


All his mind supplies him with is a litany of _oh my gods_.  


"Jaehwan?" Sanghyuk repeats, the door to the bedroom creaking when he opens it. "Why are you- Jaehwan?"  


Too embarrassed to even look up at him, Jaehwan moves his trembling legs, spreading them further. Only the bedside lamp is on so it's dim inside the room, and Jaehwan's underwear is black, but that's where Sanghyuk's eyes fall right away- on Jaehwan's crotch.  


Sanghyuk's already barefoot, shoes left in the hallway along with his jacket. He climbs onto the bed, grabs Jaehwan's ankles and looks. His eyes travel everywhere, and Jaehwan tries not to curl into himself under the scrutiny. It's hard to tell why, but his eyes water- it feels overwhelming, even before anything starts.  


"Jaehwan," Sanghyuk says again. Instead of previous curiosity, it now sounds imploring. "What do you want?"  


He should look up, wills himself to, his gaze catching on the dark shirt Sanghyuk's wearing, first buttons undone. Jaehwan blinks his eyes to clear his vision. Sanghyuk's own eyes are serious, and Jaehwan wonders if he suspects anything.  


Serious or not, Jaehwan has a chance to back away. He could laugh it off, let himself smile and act cute to cover it all. But to hell with that. It's not only Sanghyuk who can be bold.  


"I want to-" he starts, voice catching in his throat. The words "to serve you" are at the tip of his tongue but he swallows them, says, "make you feel good," instead, as if it sounds any better.  


The look Sanghyuk gives him is precarious but his voice doesn't waver when he asks the next question. "Do you really want it? Answer me."  


Jaehwan holds his gaze. "Yes, sir." The word feels foreign on his tongue after all this time but it also feels right, now, sweet even.  


Sanghyuk's eyes roam all over his face, searching, like the words weren't enough. His expression hardens more with every passing second. He's like a rock by the sea that no wave can move.  


He stands up but doesn't move away from the bed. Jaehwan keeps still, waits for what feels like hours.  


Finally, the first order comes, and Jaehwan nerves drum to the sound of Sanghyuk's voice.  


"Suck me off."  


Jaehwan doesn't waste any time, scrambling off the bed and to the floor. He kneels, and when Sanghyuk doesn't say anything else, doesn't move, he reaches to take Sanghyuk's pants off. Then, he hesitates. Is he allowed to use his hands?  


It shouldn't come as a surprise for Sanghyuk to read him like an open book- he has more than enough experience. Or it might be the motion of Jaehwan's hands, jerking by his sides. "Hands off."  


The only consolation is that Jaehwan has the cardigan on and is able to fist his hands into the sleeves to fight the urge of reaching up.  


He maneuvers his head, catching the tip with his lips. The taste is familiar- cotton, musk, and saltiness. It tastes like Sanghyuk has already been hard tonight. Jaehwan closes his eyes, sucking harder.  


A hand lands on Jaehwan's head even though he takes Sanghyuk deeper, without prompting. Jaehwan hollows his cheeks, moves his tongue, and backs off.  


His mouth doesn't make it to get free before Sanghyuk's hand grips his hair and pushes Jaehwan back. "I told you to suck."  


A mix of emotions fills Jaehwan's body at the words. Excitement, fear, but also regret- because Sanghyuk's isn't pleased. He struggles to take in enough air through his nose, but he keeps his mouth busy. He gets rewarded with a low moan when he swirls his tongue around the head.  


Jaehwan's knees get tired soon, and the urge to move his hands and lean on Sanghyuk's full thighs emerges again. You're not allowed to, Jaehwan reprimands himself. He digs his fingers harder into the sleeves.  


It ends too soon - Sanghyuk didn't even try to make Jaehwan deep throat him - and Jaehwan can't stop a whine from spilling from his lips. The grip on his hair lessens, and Sanghyuk's fingers start to move in soothing circles over Jaehwan's scalp.  


"On the bed."  


It's hard not to press his hard-on against the edge of the bed as he climbs back onto it. He's not sure how he's supposed to settle himself but his worry proves to be unnecessary. Sanghyuk's right after him, and with the hand on his lower back he presses Jaehwan down.  


Jaehwan tries to stay still; he can make out the sounds of Sanghyuk taking his clothes off. His cheek is warm against the sheets, and he can still taste Sanghyuk on his lips when he licks them. How thrilling it would be if Sanghyuk fucked his mouth, rough, until coming down his throat. Another time, he thinks, and the next second he forgets all about it because there are hands on his hips, tugging his underwear off. He raises his hips to make it easier.  


And then, Sanghyuk covers him with his body, nudging his cock between Jaehwan's cheeks. His lips find Jaehwan’s neck, and he kisses Jaehwan there, open-mouthed and hot.  


"You're doing so well," he whispers against Jaehwan's jaw, dragging his tongue along it.  


Jaehwan wants to kiss him so bad. "Please..." He manages to whimper.  


"You're a good boy, so I'll grant you one wish."  


But there are plenty of things Jaehwan wants. Taking the cardigan off, for once. Sanghyuk's tongue inside his mouth, for second. And, most importantly, to get fucked.  


"Ah," Jaehwan breathes as Sanghyuk jerks him up, enough to graze his teeth over Jaehwan's collarbone. "Fuck me, please."  


Sanghyuk hums, the timbre of his voice vibrating against Jaehwan's skin. "Fuck you...?"  


"Sir," Jaehwan remembers to add. "Please, sir."  


Jaehwan isn't sure what to expect but it definitely isn't Sanghyuk's mouth on his ass. He needs to muster all his willpower not to buck against his face. He presses hid face down when Sanghyuk's tongue finds his hole. The tip comes in easily.  


"You really did prepare for tonight, didn't you?"  


Yes, Jaehwan really did. He hoped for Sanghyuk to appreciate his effort, and not to give him any reason to punish him. Pain, paired with disappointment, wouldn't be any good for Jaehwan.  


He tries to answer but Sanghyuk pushes one of his fingers inside. It's barely slicked with the saliva, and the feeling of the finger sliding in and out if not unpleasant is an uncomfortable one. He doesn't complain, though, only whimpers with his face hidden in the pillows.  


Sanghyuk's tone is more curious than demanding when he asks, "What did you do?"  


Going back to what he did earlier, after coming back from work, doesn't help Jaehwan diminish his arousal. "I stretched m-myself," he says, his voice high and muffled with his cheek pressed down. "In the shower."  


Sanghyuk removes his finger, licks across Jaehwan's hole once again. He kisses the swell of Jaehwan's ass, and the cooling sensation of the saliva drying on the sensitive skin makes Jaehwan shiver from head to toe. Sanghyuk's lips graze Jaehwan's thigh when he speaks up again. "Did you come?"  


Jaehwan remembers the shallow thrusts of his own fingers, and how the lube would rinse too soon from his fingers with the water falling down from the showerhead. How hard he was, but the lukewarm temperature would keep him sane. With his hands busy - one on his ass and the second supporting him against the tiles - he managed to prevent himself from jerking off.  


"No." He didn't come. It was a struggle but he didn't. He made himself focus on how much better it's going to feel with Sanghyuk touching him, fucking him. And how happy it might make Sanghyuk, knowing Jaehwan waited for it.  


"You really wanted to earn your prize," Sanghyuk says. Jaehwan wonders if he's imagining the amazement in Sanghyuk's voice. "You wanted to earn my cock, am I right?"  


"Yes," Jaehwan gasps out. The mixture of cold against his ass and the hot where his cock is trapped between his body and the mattress makes his head spin. "Yes, sir. Please."  


Sanghyuk's chuckle is earnest, and it sounds happy. It makes a sense of warmth spread inside Jaehwan's chest, and he curls his hands around the pillow, trying to catch his breath through the bliss he feels. "Such a good pet," he hears Sanghyuk whisper against his spine where the cardigan has rolled up, and he tightens his grip even more. "You're doing great," Sanghyuk says against the back of Jaehwan's neck, and Jaehwan knows why he's up here again- the lube.  


It's right on the nightstand, where Jaehwan has put it for easier access. Sanghyuk kisses Jaehwan's shoulder, and then he's moving down, until his face is between Jaehwan's thighs again. He doesn't lick his hole this time, attaching his mouth to Jaehwan's balls instead.  


It doesn't take long for Sanghyuk to coat his fingers, and slip two of them inside Jaehwan at once. With Sanghyuk's tongue massaging his perineum, and the fingers going deeper and deeper inside, Jaehwan can't stop himself from bucking up. The slap he receives, right on top of his butt, isn't hard at all. Jaehwan might be more surprised later that he didn't mind it at all.  


There's no verbal reminder for Jaehwan to stay still but he knows better. It's so hard not to writhe underneath Sanghyuk's mouth, and the third finger pushing alongside the other two, though. Jaehwan feels his cock pulse against his belly- it's a really nice torture, but torture nonetheless.  


When Sanghyuk is finished with stretching him, he doesn't slide inside right away. He moves over Jaehwan's body, and Jaehwan can feel the tip of his cock brushing over his skin. Then, Jaehwan's fingers are being uncurled from the pillow, and Sanghyuk tugs at the hems of the cardigan's sleeves. Finally off, Jaehwan thinks, and he lifts his hand as far as he can-  


But it doesn't come off. All Sanghyuk does is to pull at the sleeves long enough to tie them together, with Jaehwan's hands trapped inside. He looks at the handiwork, not able to distinguish what he feels- horror or excitement.  


There are no restraints or any toys Sanghyuk could use in Jaehwan's apartment, and only Sanghyuk would know how to go around it.  


Jaehwan tries to move his hands but it only ends up with the cardigan pressing more into Jaehwan's neck.  


"Now be good and moan for me," Sanghyuk says as he's finally, finally thrusting in.  


And so Jaehwan does, a series of sounds falling past his lips.  


It doesn't hurt, but it still feels like Sanghyuk hasn't stretched him enough. It always does, and Jaehwan is once again caught by how full it feels with Sanghyuk inside him. His hands are trapped in the sleeves but it doesn't stop Sanghyuk from holding them down as he starts to move.  


Jaehwan wants to rise to his knees, so he can push back- he doesn't think he can endure taking it like it. But when he writhes, tries to circle his hips, one of Sanghyuk's hands move away from before Jaehwan's eyes, and then he feels Sanghyuk's fingers dig into the skin of his waist.  


"I thought you understood you aren't supposed to move," Sanghyuk grits. "Or don't you want to come?"  


No, Sanghyuk wouldn't- but he would, Jaehwan thinks. He would because Jaehwan let him have this power over him. All of this - Jaehwan's body, the moment - belongs to Sanghyuk. And Jaehwan really wants to come. He made himself not to once tonight, and he doesn't wish for it to happen again. It would be because of his own choice again, if he doesn't behave. Or has it been in Sanghyuk's power all along?  


"Please," Jaehwan whines, moans when Sanghyuk sucks at his ear. "Please, sir."  


Sanghyuk bites at Jaehwan's earlobe. "You still can," he whispers, snapping his hips, hard. "Only not until I come."  


It's only fair. In the end, it's all for Sanghyuk's pleasure. This is why Jaehwan is doing it. Only after that, comes Jaehwan's desire.  


Tears come to Jaehwan's eyes at the thought. He really would do anything for Sanghyuk, and the revelation consumes him from the inside. He sobs into the pillow, letting his emotions free. He's never felt so vulnerable in his entire life.  


Sanghyuk hauls his hips, finally giving Jaehwan some leverage. He nudges Jaehwan's legs wider apart. "Do you understand?" He asks, his hips unmoving, for one, two seconds, until he pushes in, millimeter by millimeter so Jaehwan's able to feel it all- his cock, and the power he has over Jaehwan.  


It's impossible to answer, not through his squeezed throat, not when the tears won't stop streaming down his face; only broken _ah ah_ s escape Jaehwan's mouth.  


Sanghyuk resumes his thrusts, pushing in and out in earnest. He reaches around Jaehwan, a strong grip of his big hand on Jaehwan's cock making Jaehwan mewl- the pleasure is cut short by how hard it's circled around him.  


Even though Jaehwan is on his knees now, he can't buck up against Sanghyuk, trapped between his hips and the fist around his cock. And he still hasn't answered the question. "Y-yes, sir," he cries out after what feels like eternity, already spent, already out of control of his own body.  


When Sanghyuk comes it's both regret and relief for Jaehwan. Regret because it felt so good to have Sanghyuk inside, and relief because he's been close to going insane with it.  


The orgasm is teared out from Jaehwan, too suddenly, when Sanghyuk's fist loosens around Jaehwan's cock, and his thumb presses into its slit. Jaehwan can't even scream, the sound caught in his throat, and he's barely aware of his body shaking.  


Sanghyuk doesn't slip out of him right away. He nuzzles against Jaehwan’s hair, and tries to untangle the cardigan without looking. Jaehwan wants to laugh, too high on the sex, still.  


"You were amazing," Sanghyuk says, searching for Jaehwan's hands inside the sleeves. He squeezes his fingers, and then rolls away. The obscene sound of his cock sliding out sobers Jaehwan up, if by little.  


Jaehwan hums, giggles around it, and turns his head to look at Sanghyuk. He's all sweaty, his bangs plastered to his forehead, breathing heavily through his open mouth. Their eyes meet, and Sanghyuk smiles. He's back to looking too young for what he just did.  


"So you really meant it," Sanghyuk speaks first. "When you said you wouldn't mind doing- this."  


Jaehwan lets out a noisy sigh. "And for all this time you didn't believe me."  


Sanghyuk smiles, apologetically, and moves closer. He kisses Jaehwan's cheek, his nose, and his ear. He really has a thing for Jaehwan's ears.  


Jaehwan searches his lips, but Sanghyuk moves away. "I should wash my mouth."  


Yes, maybe. But no. "No," Jaehwan decides to say in the end. "I was perfectly clean. Probably cleaner than your mouth after the whole day."  


Grabbing Jaehwan's arm, Sanghyuk brings them closer. Jaehwan appreciates it a lot. "I brush my teeth before my appointments, thank you very much."  


Jaehwan snorts, pushing the sweaty hair away from Sanghyuk's face. "But you had a drink right after, didn't you." It's not even a question- Jaehwan already knows most of Sanghyuk's habits.  


"Guilty as charged," Sanghyuk sighs. He's still smiling, and Jaehwan really loves that smile. He goes for a kiss again, and this time Sanghyuk lets him. If the taste of Jaehwan lingers on Sanghyuk's tongue he doesn't feel it- the faint tint of alcohol is more prominent.  


"It's probably why it felt like I was drunk," Jaehwan teases.  


Sanghyuk- he isn't one for extensive cuddles. He got used to them, quite weak for Jaehwan's pleading eyes. Now, he's the one to tighten his arms around Jaehwan, put Jaehwan's head on his shoulder, and sneak his hands under the damn cardigan Jaehwan's had on the whole time.  


"You tell yourself that," he laughs, and Jaehwan thinks of how warm it sounds and how Sanghyuk's fingers are rough but gentle on Jaehwan's skin. "Hey," he says after a while, and Jaehwan stirs. Jaehwan wasn't aware he'd been drifting off. "Let's make that tea you bought the other day, hmm?"  


"In a minute," Jaehwan answers, rubbing his nose against Sanghyuk neck, just to hear him laugh again. "Give me a minute."  


It takes more than that; when Jaehwan wakes up next a steaming cup is already standing by the bed.  


  


 

"You definitely need to throw another party."  


Hakyeon frowns, and Sanghyuk grins. It's been too long since the last one. And since Sanghyuk started dating Jaehwan he hasn't been to any, at all.  


Kibum is there tonight, and he's nursing a glass of wine. "One glass never clouds my judgement" he always says. Now, he takes a small sip, and nods. "You really should."  


Hakyeon whines, trying to push both Kibum and Sanghyuk from their stools. They both laugh, swatting Hakyeon's hands away.  


"Wasn't it fun the last time?" Sanghyuk asks. He really enjoyed that party, and he thinks he gave a good show.  


This time, it wouldn't be the same, though. This time Sanghyuk wouldn't give the same kind of a performance, if any at all. He wishes for a small gathering of his closest friends, so he can bring Jaehwan with him. He doesn't want to overwhelm Jaehwan with his first event.  


And that's what Sanghyuk tells Hakyeon, now, and he can see Hakyeon's resolve crumbling.  


"It was such the drag the last time..." Hakyeon says but it doesn't sound like he regrets it. From what Sanghyuk remembers, Hakyeon gave a good show of his own, and has been gloating about it for the whole next month.  


"That's why I'm suggesting going small," Sanghyuk repeats. He knows Hakyeon has a soft spot for him. Sanghyuk was Hakyeon's apprentice long enough for him to develop one.  


"All I can think about is Hongbin's judgmental stare when I'll hand Gloria over- again."  


Sanghyuk snorts. "Does he give Wonsik those stares, too?"  


"Wonsik doesn't engage in that type of activities," Hakyeon replies, bitterly. "Hongbin's words."  


Kibum sighs once, and then again when he finishes his wine. "It's a bit of hypocrisy from his side," he comments. "But he's not the first one, nor the last. And he did reconcile with you, didn't he?"  


"That's why I'm not complaining," Hakyeon explains. "Not really. He's like this brother whom you disagree with but still love, you know?"  


Kibum smiles as he slides down his stool, and pats Hakyeon's arm. "I know something about that," and then he leaves, to grab himself a sub from the wandering crowd.  


Sanghyuk bats his eyelashes at Hakyeon when he turns back to him.  


"You know I'll probably do it, don't you," Hakyeon says, with a pained expression on his face.  


Sanghyuk wants to reply but there's a familiar face, with familiar round eyes stepping in.  


"Jaehwan!" He waves at his boyfriend, instantly excited. "Finally," he says when Jaehwan rounds his stool, right before they kiss hello.  


Pouting, Jaehwan leans against Sanghyuk. "I just finished work," he mumbles in his whiny tone. "It was terrible!"  


He's so adorable, Sanghyuk thinks fondly. He would be even more adorable with his eyes full of wonder at a play party.  


Jaehwan's lips are big, the bottom one jutted out, and Sanghyuk can't stop himself from kissing him again. He can't wait to say all the filthy things that come to his mind when he thinks about the party, whisper it into Jaehwan's ear as he fucks him, first on his hands and knees, then on his back with his legs spread wide.  


"Go get a room," Hakyeon nags. Sanghyuk knows he can't be jealous- at home, Taekwoon is probably waiting for him. On his knees by the door, as far as Sanghyuk knows. And that's the difference between them. Hakyeon prefers absolute obedience over the excitement Sanghyuk loves. At least when it comes to relationships.  


"We're going to fuck at home, thank you," Sanghyuk retorts, smiling when Jaehwan lets out a squawk of protest. "And so should you."  


Hakyeon shakes his head, slumping against the counter. "I can't believe this is how I raised you."  



End file.
